In the before time, a 12-to-14-hour day was normal; rare but not unheard of where the 15-hour days if there was an evening Bar event down state or a pressing deadline. There was no time for self-care, between my commute, long days, and Ben & Jerry’s dinners. I loved being the first in, last out, and last to leave a party. This was my work identity. Ten months of telecommuting taught me that I was going about it all wrong.
I preached self-care to students, other lawyers, friends and family and found that working at home for 14 hours a day was unfulfilling and likely a sign something was wrong. The Willimantic River flows behind my house and two weeks into the pandemic I started walking through the woods to the River. At first each step was a challenge (snakes), and it would take so much time thanks to the Ben & Jerry’s and walking with my dog. I have explored every nook and cranny of this well-worn path; added to Cairns, found painted rocks, created new paths, identified birds, collected feathers, picked up garbage, and met neighbors.
By the fourth month, I noticed changes; my mind was clear, I was more productive, I walked off some pounds, my stress was manageable, and I found my joy. I was able to rediscover passions and try new things. Forty-year-old muscle memory allowed me to successfully knit a shawl, and I am halfway through a beautiful sweater. I even put my roller skates back on and though a little wobbly, but yes, I’ve still got it!
I tried my hand at becoming a cook or baker, so I bought a slow cooker, and binged watched the Great British Bake Off. It is clear my skills are better suited to hosting or taste testing. After half dozen attempts, I finally made an edible loaf of bread but can’t remember where I found the recipe. I tried my rudimentary skills on Battenberg cake – epic fail! Shrimp scampi, shrimp fried rice, and chicken corn chowder were all inedible. I find joy in obsessively measuring ingredients, and the way the aroma permeates the house and truly believed each time, that I would succeed in creating a review worthy meal. To give myself some credit, I did perfect chili, turkey burgers, and pignoli cookies that would make my grandmother proud. Whether success or failure I found joy in the process.
The past ten months have been consumed with adjusting to new way of working and living, heart wrenching changes in my personal life, attacks on democracy and the rule of law, stress over being part of a system that upholds white supremacy, and constant doom scrolling about the pandemic. When the chasm of anxiety and despair opened, I maintained self-care and embraced joy.